Breakfast with Blake

Seaville, NJ: Grandpa told me he was taking me on an adventure this morning. He said weʼre going to Dinoʼs for ʻBreakfast with Daveʼ, but it looked nothing like Fred and Wilmaʼs cave in Bedrock; looked like a diner to me. Either way, it was perfect timing because I was getting a little hungry as we entered. Before we met the group, my Grandpa whispered that he hadn’t told anyone about my coming to ʻBreakfast with Daveʼ because he wanted it to be a surprise, so he carried me to the end of this big, long ʻBreakfast with Daveʼ table in the middle of this huge room with a whole lot of people sitting around it, and announces, “This, everyone, is Blake!” Then, he introduced me to each person beginning with the one person who was different from all the others, Janice. Next was Jim, who said he remembered me when I was half my size. Next to him was Doug. Next to Doug was Eddie J and at the end of that side of the table was another Jim, Jim Ridgeway or JR, who looked like he was already having a good time. Across from JR, was Bill Noe and next to him was Dave, the man himself, and I must be honest, I wasn’t really that impressed. Next to him was Bert, but he didn’t bring Ernie with him, and then, of course, Grandpa Mathis.

This man with a pad and pencil came with my own “special” chair which placed me right at the head of the table and right next to the person who looks so much different from the others. I thanked him, but I don’t think he heard me. As my Grandpa filled my bowl with Cheerios, the man with the pad and pencil took an order from each of the people at the table. Then, he poured this black stuff into their cups which they seemed to really enjoy. So, I asked my Grandpa for my juice, and I joined in on the drinking.

I heard my Grandpa say to everyone, “I brought Blake with me this week because YOU HAVE TO SEE THE BABY!” Everyone to laughed and began talk about something called Seinfeld. I personally didnʼt think it was THAT funny. Funnier than that was Dave trying not to say anything I shouldnʼt hear. Meanwhile, I was so distracted by this Janice person (who smelled just a nice as see looked) that quite a few Cheerios never made it to my mouth. Through all the different sounds coming my way from the table, I made out the word “airplane” from the other end. I like airplanes. I wished for Santa to give me a book about them for Christmas this year. JR was telling a story about a man who owns and flies his own single engine plane. How cool!? Unless, of course, the plane gets hit by a storm of dust forcing the pilot to climb higher than legally allowed to save his life. Then, Bert without Ernie mentioned something about a Dinoʼs he visited while he was stationed in Germany. I wonder if thatʼs where Fred and Wilmaʼs cave is?

The man with the pad and pencil came back again with the food and more of the black stuff everyone wanted more of. Just the sight of all the eggs and omelets and pancakes made me want my chips, so I gave my pop-pop the “sign”, and he filled my bowl with my second course. In between mouthfuls, I heard everyone laughing and when I focus in I saw they were all laughing at Dave. I couldn’t understand what made him so funny? Iʼd much rather be irresistible and flirt with Janice.

As everyone ate their meals, Dave told what I thought was a joke about two elderly married people. Dave said that an elderly married couple were having coffee together when the husband says to his wife, “If I should die first, I want you to take all my stuff and sell it.” When the wife asks why, he answers, “Since I would hope that you would remarry, I donʼt want some asshole using any of my stuff.” To which the wife replies, “Like Iʼm going to marry another asshole!” Everyone laughed, but I didnʼt get it. Why would anyone want to marry an asshole? Nothing any good comes out of there anyway.

My Grandpa couldnʼt help but match that joke with one of his own. He told of yet another elderly couple who were watching TV one night, and the husband asks his wife if she wants a milkshake. “Sure,” she says, and the husband goes into the kitchen to prepare his concoction. While he’s working, the wife yells to him, “Donʼt forget the extra chocolate syrup.” “OK,” he replies. “You could put some whipped cream on top,” she adds. “Iʼm on it,” he shouts from the kitchen. “Make sure you put a cherry on top as well,” her final request. About 20 minutes later, the husband brings her bacon and eggs. The wife looks at the bacon and eggs, looks back at the husband and said, “What? No toast?” Everyone seemed to like my Grandpaʼs story. Maybe thatʼs why there were trays of toast still left all over the table.

After the man with the pad and pencil came yet again and removed all the empty dishes, he left a piece of paper with me that had all these letters and numbers all over it. Everybody thought it was really a scream, but I only had cheerios. And I brought them with me! Funny or not, I wasnʼt paying this. Besides, Iʼm a little short right now anyhow. You know, with the Holiday season and all that. So, I gave the bill to my Grandpa who in turn sent it to Doug, the groupʼs official calculator. While Doug was doing his calculating thing, I called the man with the pad and pencil to come over to me so I could tell him my favorite butler joke, which goes something like this:

“Jeeves, did you put fresh water in the fish bowl?” And Jeeves says, “Why? He didnʼt drink up what I gave him last night!”

While I was telling my story, Grandpa dressed me for the trip outside to the car and then home. As I was bundled up for the weather, I couldnʼt help but think, “So, this is what a ʻBreakfast with Daveʼ is all about.” Not bad. I guess Iʼll have to wait about 55 years to start my own, or just hitch a ride with my Grandpa to the next one. But for now, God bless us, everyone!

By the way, only 17 more shopping days remain to get a present for Dave, and he really looks like he needs something special this year!