SILVER ALERT: Boomers Having Breakfast

North Cape May, NJ: On this last Thursday of a leap year February, ʻBreakfast with Daveʼ again brought its moveable feast and morning soiree to Uncle Billʼs Pancake House on Bayshore Road in North Cape May. Gathered this week to share some flapjacks and jocularity were Ed Sherretta, Eddie Jurewicz, Paul Mathis, Dave Smith, Lynn Massimiano, Jim Colubiale, Mac McConnell with a special guest appearance by George Holden!

As the group slid into their seats at the long table arranged especially for them, Lynn found herself sitting next to Dave, who immediately said to Lynn, “Gee, You smell nice!” Lynn responded by simply saying, “Thanks, itʼs coconut.” Sniffing the fragrance, Dave then said, “Ya know, that smells just like the beach!”, which gave the group its first Seinfeld reference of the morning, alluding to the show where Kramer invents a perfume that smells like the beach.

Uncle Billʼs menu offered a wide array of breakfast favorites from eggs to omelets to stuffed French toast, but by far the mainstay of the menu was the vast selection of pancakes that ranged from chocolate chip pancakes to banana pancakes, not to mention their great buckwheat pancakes. The menu also highlights several combination meals that include eggs, meat and pancakes, like the Ferry Special. In addition, most egg and meat dishes can be paired with an order of their moist, fluffy flapjacks by selecting the appropriate numbered breakfast from the place-mat menu. The coffee was fresh and hot, and Carol, the groupʼs waitress, did a fantastic job of keeping up with the gangʼs caffeine cravings all breakfast long.

After Carol carefully took the groupʼs orders off to the kitchen and poured a second round of coffee and tea, Dave began the morningʼs conversation by remarking that Paul looked a little tired. Paul admitted that his sleep last night was not “uninterrupted”. Dave then mentioned that he too did not get to sleep until nearly 3 AM, claiming that he suffered from “Monkey Mind”; his mind just kept jumping from one distraction to another. Paul recommended Gene Londonʼs relaxation technique to help promote deep sleep. For 18 years, Gene London hosted the morning childrenʼs show, “Cartoon Corners General Store”, which became a Philadelphia WCAU-TV institution from 1959 to 1977. Geneʼs technique involved concentrating on a part of the body, contracting that particular muscle then relaxing it and moving on to another part without moving the previous part again. This process is followed until the whole body is covered. Dave said that he knew of this technique and that he tried it, but it really doesnʼt work, to which Paul responded, “Are you calling Gene London a liar?”

When Ed Sherretta picked up on this line of conversation, he interjected that he tried hypnotism once to help control his eating habits. He said he remembered that while he sat there listening to the hypnotist tell him to close his eyes and relax, reciting the classic, “You are feeling sleepy” chant, all Ed could think about was, “This guyʼs full a shit!” Jim then mentioned an episode from The Dick Van Dyke Show (<–full episode) where Rob became inadvertently hypnotized at a party, intercepting a hypnotic suggestion directed at Buddy which called for the victim to become rip roaring drunk at the sound of a bell. Only the ringing of a second bell could sober the victim. This whole scenario was a perfect vehicle for Van Dykeʼs tremendous slapstick talent.

Once the food arrived, Paul mentioned that he read somewhere on the internet that a man sold his comic book collection for slightly over 4 million dollars! Several of his individual comics, like The Birth of Superman, went for at least 6 figures. When Jim asked Ed Sherretta what he did with his Willie Mays baseball card that he said he had, he answered that he put it, with many other now priceless cards, in the spokes of his bike! Jim admitted that he would “flip” his cards to win other cards from his South Philly friends, never ever considering to save or protect them. If we only knew then what we know now!

However, Ed Sherretta still has the two ticket stubs, priced at $3.95 each, from The Beatlesʼ concert at Atlantic Cityʼs Convention Hall back in the early 60ʼs. These ticket stubs are reputably worth some money now. He also admitted that he could not hear any of the music because of the constant, incessant screaming of the crowd. Jim then said he had a real treat for Ed. Many years ago, Mac worked up in the casinos as a stagehand who off loaded and set up shows at various venues. One of his fellow workers at the time had access to tapes made from the sound board from that nightʼs performance at Convention Hall, and since Mac knew Jim loved the Beatles, he made Jim a copy of the tape on CD. So, Jim will now pass this piece of musical history onto Ed.

As the group finished their meals, Dave switched the conversation topic to the Western Channel on cable TV, where a few nights before, he had watched Rio Bravo and was very impressed with the cast. Dave then began to rattle off the names which sounded like Hollywood whoʼs who. He said the film featured, John Wayne, Dean Martin, Ricky Nelson, Walter Brennan, Angie Dickinson….But before Dave could finish the list, Jim chimed in with “…and Yuk, the wonder Buffalo!”, harkening back to Johnny Carsonʼs Art Fern and the Tea Time Movie skit that he did on a regular basis on The Tonight Show. This little ad lib triggered a flood of memories about “off color” moments from the show that ranged from Ed Amesʼ tomahawk throwing demonstration to Dean Martin flicking his cigarette ashes into an unsuspecting George Gobelʼs coffee cup. However, everyone remembered when Zsa Zsa Gabor, who was a frequent visitor to Carsonʼs guest couch, once came on the set with a cat on her lap. She asked Carson if he would like to pet her pussy, to which Carson quipped, “Iʼd love to, but youʼll have to move that damn cat first!” Another time, Arnold Palmerʼs wife appeared on the show and Johnny Carson asked her what she does to wish her husband good luck before a major golf tournament. Mrs. Palmer innocently answered that she simply kisses his balls. To which Carson replied, “I bet that stiffened his putter!”

As the last of the dishes were bused from the table and another round of coffee and tea pumped through the groups veins, the conversation switched to sports and the difference between sports like tennis and golf where everyone must remain silent and college basketball where anything goes while a player attempts a foul shot. Dave pointed out that an Alabama student, known as the “Face-man”, positions himself behind the opposing basket and when anyone from the other team attempts a foul shot, he holds up a cardboard poster of him making an “ugly” face. Granted this might not be very loud, but the shooter may just die laughing after seeing his distorted fan glaring at him from behind the backboard. Just at that point of the conversation, George Holden, a retired math teacher and basketball coach from LCMR, who was the last coach to lead a LCMR basketball team to CAL championship back in the 80ʼs, moseyed up to the table. He had been eating breakfast on the other side of the dinning room and heard the group carrying on and decided to come over and join the fun.

As if to show off for George, Dave decided that everyone was ready for “Joke Time”. First, Dave wanted to tell a hunting joke for Ed Sherretta:  A 9-1-1 dispatcher received a panicky call from a hunter, “Iʼve just come across a bloodstained body in the woods! Itʼs a man, and I think heʼs dead! What should I do?” The dispatcher calmly replies, “Itʼs going to be all right, sir. Just follow my instructions. The first thing is to put the phone down and make sure heʼs dead.” Thereʼs a silence on the phone, followed by the sound of a shot. The manʼs voice returns, “Okay. Now what do I do?”

Since the joke really didnʼt go over that well, Dave came back with another:  A man is driving a truck loaded with 20 penguins. A cop pulls the truck over and tells the driver that driving wild animals in a truck like that is illegal and that he should take the penguins to the zoo. The man agrees and avoids a ticket. The next day the cop spots the man driving the same truck still loaded with 20 penguins. So, the cop pulls the truck over again and says, “Didnʼt I tell you to take those penguins to the zoo?” “Yes, I did”, said the man, “and today Iʼm taking them to the park!”

Jim, then, mentioned that tomorrow Paul will be a guest lecturer for his writing class at Stockton, and before Paul takes the stage, Jim shows the class a video of The Monkey Bar, where a chimp tells a joke about, what else, a penguin:

Customer Chimp: A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says he needs an hour to check it out.

Bartender Chimp: What kindʼa car?

Customer Chimp: What kind’a car? A damn penguin car, all right?!?!?! So, the penguin goes across the street to a 7-11 to kill some time and have an ice cream. Penguins like ice cream.

Bartender Chimp: Really?                                                                                                                                                                           

Customer Chimp: Sure. But because the penguin doesn’t have hands he gets the ice cream all over his face.                                                                                                                                                                                                           

Bartender Chimp: Is this goinʼ somewhere?                                                                                                                                         

Customer Chimp: So he goes back to the mechanic and the mechanic says it looks like you blew a seal. And the penguin says, “No, thatʼs just a little ice cream.”

At some point during “joke time”, the waitress Carol, a LCMR graduate, left the check. Paul announced that the manager, Marty, another LCMR alum and son of the owner, gave the group a 15% discount which brought the individual cost per person to $12.00 for this weekʼs food and frivolity. This group of boomers might sometimes forget where they are, but they will certainly always remember the great food, terrific service and fantastic fun that comes with a breakfast at Uncle Billʼs in North Cape May!

OK, so which oneʼs Dave?

Its: A Case of Possession

West Cape May, NJ: For this third February Thursday, ʻBreakfast with Daveʼ brought (its, itʼs) movable morning feast and morning soiree to one of their favorite breakfast haunts, the Bella Vida Garden Cafe on Broadway in West Cape May. Joining the festivities for this weekʼs gathering were Lynn Massimiano, Doug “D” Letterman, Eddie Jurewicz, Paul Mathis, Dave Smith, Ed Sherretta, Jim Colubiale, Bill Noe, and special guest AJ Colubiale, the administrator for the ʻBreakfast with Daveʼ blog site.
Acknowledging the ʻBreakfast with Daveʼ blog on their web site, Bella Vida offered free coffee to patrons who printed out the group picture at the end of each blog, brought it in, and correctly identified Dave. Flattered, yet mystified by this gesture Dave promptly compared his notoriety to Paris Hilton, who he said, “Has no skills to speak of, is good to look at, and yet still is a celebrity.”
The Bella Vida Garden Cafeʼs menu offered their usual outstanding array of omelets and daily breakfast specials, which for this particular morning included a Big Wave Breakfast Burrito (pictured here) that was a huge hit with several of the group. Another interesting special for the morning was a Surf and Turf omelet with lobster and crab meat as well as bacon and Canadian ham. Owner Chris Monge came over to say ʻHelloʼ and announce that Bella Vida will now be expanding (its, itʼs) operational hours and be open for dinner as well. If their dinner entrees are of the same high caliber as their breakfasts, dinners will be very successful this season and for seasons to come. Of course, a ʻBreakfast with Daveʼ would be incomplete without Bella Vidaʼs Costa Rican coffee, which our waitress Liz kept flowing freely throughout the meal. (Its, Itʼs) our favorite coffee.

Lynn circulated a February ʼ09 photo above from taken at Jim, Linda and Lynnʼs retirement party held at congress Hall. Pictured with the group (rear left) was Irma McVey who passed away this past summer battling brain cancer. All those pictured retired from LCMR.
As the group settled into their first of several cups of coffee and tea and Liz took the groupʼs orders off to Chef Chris in the kitchen, Eddie J. talked about the Grammyʼs and Paul McCartneyʼs jam with Joe Walsh, Bruce Springsteen and Foo-Fightersʼ Dave Grohl to Golden Slumbers, Carry That Weight and In the End, which are the final three cuts from the Abbey Road album. The only puzzling feature of the jam was how “lost” Springsteen looked when his turn came to take the lead. Also that night, The Beach Boys announced that they are planning a reunion tour for this summer. This time ALL the surviving members will be in the band. The Beach Boys are still a very sensitive topic for Eddie J since Mike Love tried to sue his son Chris over a comment that Chris made in a Ventura review of a Beach Boys concert. Since Mike Love was the only REAL Beach Boy performing that evening, Chris remarked at the end of his review that maybe the band should be called, The Beach Boy. Although the law suit never really materialized, poor Chris was put through the wringer trying to defend his comment. Dave took the edge off of the discussion by commenting that now that the group is back together, maybe their next surfing song should be titled, Web-Surfing for Prostate Meds.

After the food arrived and everyone began eating, Jim referred to Daveʼs remark from last week about the Silver Alert signs that appeared on the Stumpway. Dave jokingly said that whenever a Silver Alert warning is posted, this means that Dave is out on the highways and byways driving a school bus! Well, Jim told the group that he was heading home from work on the Stumpway the other day and saw a Silver Alert warning posted. About a mile or so up the highway, Jim came around a bend and there, in front of him was a school bus! Of course, this was not Daveʼs bus, but the coincidence was just too funny not to mention. Then, Dave decided to tell of the “Bus incident affair”, as the episode became known among the other drivers and the schoolʼs administrators. Smitty knew something was up. Too many faces were pressed against the rear bus windows. Behind the bus, a car was flashing (its, itʼs) lights for the bus to pull over. At the same time, Whistling Bill, another bus driver on the route, was CB-ing Dave to warn him that a car was chasing him and that he should be careful of stopping. Nevertheless, Dave pulled the bus over, and the carʼs driver approached the bus door. When Dave opened the door, he was face-to-face with Todd Randle, who was not only a LCMR alum but a four year varsity wrestler on Daveʼs team, which is another case of “(Itʼs, Its) not a small world; (itʼs, its) a big Cape May!” Todd, who was quite disturbed, told Dave that one of the students on the bus threw a bottle out the back window that shattered his carʼs windshield. All this time, the students on the bus were yelling out the windows at Todd and generally giving the man a very hard time. To his credit, Todd was holding back his anger, but he was slowly beginning to cave. Realizing this, Dave tried desperately to contact LCMRʼs head of transportation to report the incident, but Whistling Billʼs constant warnings were tying up the channel. Finally, Dave managed to contact the transportation Department head who told Dave to send Todd directly to him at the school to fill out the proper paper work about the incident. All this while, Dave was trying to keep the students quiet and not antagonize Todd any longer. After Todd left and Dave returned to the bus, he again demanded that the group on the bus calm themselves down. As he returned to his driverʼs seat, he distinctly heard someone say, “F# %k Mr. Smith!” under their breath. Dave immediately rose from his seat enraged, he yelled at the group, “F#%k Mr. Smith? F#%k Mr. Smith? Who said that?” Of course, no one admitted saying it, but the bottle thrower was caught after the bus security tape was reviewed by the administrators. Later, in the hallway, the late Gene Sole, who was the vice principal at the time, pulled Dave to the side to talk with him privately about the whole incident. Gene told Dave that when they pulled the tape, Dave is heard using the “F” word. Gene politely advised Dave that when you do such a thing, you lose the moral high ground. In other words, never fight with a skunk!
Recounting this whole incident led Dave to remember Bill Cosbyʼs Why Is There Air? album where Cosby did this routine about a boy who threw a bullet into a campfire. When no one would admit throwing the bullet into the fire, the camp counselor said, “If you did that, then you do not have a good mother!” One boy then responded, “I didnʼt throw the bullet, and stop talking about my mother!”

Since the conversation turned to a discussion of old albums, Paul brought up the album, Another Monty Python Album, which was a 3 sided vinyl recording produced on two sides. Side two had both side two and three by using “Double Grooves”. Paul discovered this while working at a radio station in College. So, depending where a person would drop the needle, they would hear side 2 or 3. Dave admitted that back then in the 70ʼs this would have been a great goof. While Dave was making this comment, he was pouring maple syrup into the remainder of his grits and stirring the mixture. Observing this, Paul asked if he was
using a counterclockwise swirl, which became the first Seinfeld reference of the morning, alluding to the episode where Jerry discovers that Putty had stolen his patented sex move from him.

Once the dishes were bused from the table, the bottle of Wild Turkey made (its, itʼs) appearance for a belated birthday toast celebrating the one year anniversary of the ʻBreakfast with Daveʼ blog. This celebration needed to be postponed from last week because Ocean City is “dry town” and two of Ocean Cityʼs finest decided to have breakfast two tables away from our group. After the group toasted the future success of ʻBreakfast with Daveʼ, Dave spilled a creamer on the table, which was left un-wiped on the table so that we might see if anyone could find Daveʼs face in the puddle. Then, Paul mentioned a cartoon that he had sent to most of the group about teachers “letting go” at a party playing “Pin the Apostrophe on the Itʼs”. Dave then mentioned that he always thought an apostrophe meant possession, but Paul stressed that this is only one aspect of the punctuationʼs purpose, pointing out that apostrophes also are used in contractions. To provide an example for Dave, Paul took the Wild Turkey bottle and used the little booklet hanging around the neck as an example. Paul said, “Look Dave, if I say, ʻThe booklet belongs on its bottleʼ, I show possession by using its, not itʼs, which is a contraction for ʻit isʼ.” While Paul was explaining all this, Dave was playing around with the booklet and inadvertently pulled the booklet off the bottle. Without missing a beat, Paul said, “Now, the booklet is not hanging on its bottle because itʼs now yours!” and the lesson was over.

While the impromptu grammar session was underway, Liz dropped off the check. The group had saved their
receipt from their last visit and according to Bella Vida policy, showing a previous receipt reduces the current bill by 10% (Mondays through Fridays). So, Doug “The Calculator” figured that the cost per person for this weekʼs feast and festivities was $13.00. Dave announced that he planned to pay his share in change and started to unload pockets of coins on the table, which gave the group (its, itʼs) second Seinfeld reference of the morning, alluding to the episode where Kramer tries to pay for some calzones with change.

And so ended yet another fabulous ʻBreakfast with Daveʼ at the Bella Vida Garden Cafe. The food, as always, was outstanding, the service was terrific, and the laughter, memories and camaraderie remain priceless!

So, which one is Dave?

Daveʼs suggested responses:
1. its 2. its 3. itʼs 4. its 5. itʼs 6. itʼs 7. its 8. its

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ʻBREAKFAST WITH DAVEʼ!

Ocean City, NJ: ʻBreakfast with Daveʼ, the oldest established permanent floating breakfast in South Jersey, celebrated its one year anniversary as a blog by returning to the Varsity Inn at 605 East 8th Street, the site of the first ʻBreakfast with Daveʼ blog a year ago. Gathered to celebrate the one year anniversary and savor the Innʼs great breakfast menu were Doug “D” Letterman, Dave Smith, Bert Kern, Ed Sherretta, Jim Colubiale, Paul Mathis, and Eddie Jurewicz. Except for Bert, all these participants were present one year ago when the suggestion was made to “get all this down on paper”. Now, 52 blogs later, ʻBreakfast with Daveʼ has returned to where the blogging all started.

The Varsity Inn menu offered a very wide selection of breakfast options from eggs made to order to hotcakes or French toast. Besides several three egg omelet specials, like the Jersey omelet or the Varsity Inn omelet, the menu offered several combination specials, featuring a mix of 2 eggs, 2 hotcakes or pieces of French toast, 2 stripes of bacon and a sausage for $6.95. The coffee and tea were fresh and bottomless and served in large mugs which suited the caffeine cravings of the group rather well.

Before the group even had their first cup of coffee or tea, Ed Sherretta wanted to tell a story about meeting Stan, a long time LCMR staffer, for dinner while recently vacationing in Florida. After the meal, both Ed and Stan used the menʼs room. At this point in the story, the waitress arrived to pour one of many rounds of coffee and tea into our mugs. So she couldnʼt hear him say “Stan pissed all over his own leg,” Ed mouthed the words for us to “see”. Once our orders were taken off to the kitchen and the group was alone again naturally, Dave had another “pissing” story for the group. Daveʼs story dealt with Larsen, another former employee, who told Dave that once, while in the army, he went out one night to the local town. While Lars was relieving himself from a night of drinking beer, his “stream” split in-two, and he ended up pissing on the leg of the guy next to him at the urinal! The man then went on to beat the crap out of poor Lars!

Eddie J then startled everyone by stating that he played for the Cleveland Browns! At least thatʼs what everyone thought they heard. Actually, he said that he played football with Henry Hynoskiʼs father, who went on to play for the Cleveland Browns. Hynoski, a full back, is a member of the 2012 World Champion New York Giants football team. Watching this yearʼs Super Bowl was therefore something very special for Eddie J. Ed Sherretta pointed out that he played high school football against Randy Beverly from Wildwood, and when Beverly became a New York Jet and played in Super Bowl III, Randy invited Ed and the whole gang from back then to the game! Ed still has the video to that game.

As the food was served, Dave told the group of his meeting Muhammad Ali who lived in a town close to Daveʼs Medford Lakeʼs home. On a whim and without knowing exactly where Ali lived, Dave and some friends set out to find him. As luck would have it, they came upon a street where a large group was gathered outside a house and towering in the middle of the gathering was none other than “The Greatest” himself. Dave and his friends were so dumbfounded at finding him, that they did not get his autograph! But Ali did rough Dave up a bit.

Next, Dave told a story of Steve Riley having a pea- shooting fight on his college dorm floor. When Steveʼs adversary locked himself inside a room, Steve bent down to look under the sill. However, his foe already anticipated this and shot a pea right up Steveʼs nose! When Dave said that Steve had to go to a Doctor to have the pea removed and the doctor asked how this happened, Jim answered, “It was a one-in-a-million shot, Doc. One-in-a-million shot!”, which gave the group the Seinfeld reference of the morning, alluding to the “AssMan” episode where Kramer ends up with a proctologistʼs license plates.

As the group finished their meals, the conversation turned to how time sometimes goes too slowly. This discussion started when Jim mentioned that he was caught behind a school bus this morning causing him to be late in picking up Eddie J and subsequently for breakfast. Paul even mentioned that he was always suspicious that Superintendent Keller played with the clocks at LCMR to make them run slower so the staff would work longer. Jim then mentioned that during his last year, the clock in his room broke and because it was so old, replacing it took most of that year. So, Jim made up clock faces to cover the whole left by the removal of the old clock. For the first two months, one read, “Time will pass; will you?”. From January to the reinstallation of the new clock by the spring, the other simply stated, “Now”. The first clock face actually made it into that yearʼs EbbTide, the schoolʼs yearbook. Time always passed too slowly for the students.

As the dishes were bused from the table, the conversation remained on the past, recounting some of the more ʻembarrassingʼ moments from the groupʼs collective experiences. Ed Sherretta told of the time his wife, attempting to motivate a student to reach for a better career, ask him, “What do you intend to do? Mow lawns for the rest of your life?” when his father owned and operated a very successful landscaping business. Jim chimed in to insist that was nothing. One time, a new student was placed in his class. The only accommodation the student came with was to be seated up front. So, Jim did just that, placing the student in the last row, second seat just in front of the mounted TV in the corner of the room. A few days later, Jim was showing the class video about the Dust Bowl while studying Steinbeckʼs The Grapes of Wrath and noticed that the new student had his head down. So, he carefully approached the boy and quietly asked him if there was problem. The boy responded that he could not see the screen from his seat. Since he could have spit at the screen from where he sat, Jim asked, “What, are you blind?” To which the student replied, “Yes I am!” So much for reading IEPs. Bert had an even a better moment from when he was the Vice- principal. He stopped an Asian exchange student wandering in the halls during class time and told him, “Youʼd better get to class, chop-chop!”

However, none of these events were as embarrassing as what might have happened next. As planned, the bottle of Wild Turkey was placed on the table so that the group could toast the first birthday of the ʻBreakfast with Daveʼ blog. However, as the bottle stood on the table untouched, Paul, the groupʼs designated bartender, discretely mentioned that Ocean City is a “dry” town.

Then, Ed Sherretta pointed out that two of Ocean Cityʼs finest had just sat down two tables away for a bit of breakfast. Needless to say, the bottle was carefully put out of sight, but what could have happened remained on the table as a topic of discussion. Dave spoke the obvious by stating, “Well, that would have been great. We would have needed to title this weekʼs blog, ʻBreakfast with Dave Goes to Jail!ʼ” Doug was quick to point out that Eddie J would have escaped the lockup because he would not have been drinking. So, Bert suggested that Eddie could have tried to raise the bail money on the outside. However, Ed Sherretta thought that if we had one phone call, we should have called Bill Garrison to see if he could have duplicated his magic spell and talk the judge out of giving the group any fines or jail time.

In the midst of all this revelry, the waitress placed the check on the table, and Doug “The Calculator” figured that the individual cost for this ʻBirthday Bashʼ at the Varsity Inn would be $13.00. Just like the first time the group came here, the food was still fantastic and the service was as timely and courteous as ever. Some things never change, and the Varsity Inn will remain one of the better venues on the ʻBreakfast with Daveʼ tour.

So, which one is Dave?

It’s Groundhog Day!

South Dennis, NJ: For this February Thursday, Groundhog Day 2012, ʻBreakfast with Daveʼ selected the Southville Corner Restaurant at the intersection of South Dennisville Road and Route 47 as the setting for this weekʼs moveable feast and morning soiree. Doug “D” Letterman, Eddie Jurewicz, Ed Sherretta, Bill Noe, John Wilsey, Paul Mathis, Dave Smith and Jim Colubiale gathered to celebrate Punxsutawney Phil seeing his shadow earlier in the morning as well as share some tall tales and tater tots.

The Southville menu offered all the standard breakfast fares and then some. The menu included several different egg dishes as well as a whole list of various omelets, not to mention pancakes and waffles. Several daily breakfast specials were also offered including the Southville slam, featuring 2 eggs, 2 pancakes or 2 pieces of French toast, 2 slices of bacon or one sausage, toast and coffee all for $7.45. The coffee and tea were severed fresh and bottomless, and the waitress kept the groupʼs mugs filled throughout the meal.

Once the group settled into their table in the center of the dinning area, the waitress asked if the group was having some sort of reunion. Jim and Doug gave her a business card and explained what the waitress was about to experience was a weekly “reunion” called ʻBreakfast with Daveʼ. Impressed that the group meets on such a regular basis and in such large numbers, the waitress carefully took the groupʼs orders and refilled the coffee and tea for the first of many refills throughout the morning.

The first topic of conversation was the subject of Groundhog Day. Phil had predicted 6 more weeks of winter earlier this morning, or in the case of the South Jersey area in general, everyone should be prepared for 6 more weeks of non-winter. Jim, then, told the story of how he, Paul and several other teachers had their own Groundhog Day celebration right before school began one Groundhog Day. First, Jim had to provide a little background on the event. Earlier that winter, in January, the area was under a winter storm watch for “plowable” snow. The event was to start in the wee small hours of the morning, but the forecast didnʼt hold true. By the time, the school buses were supposed to make their runs, the snow was still a no show, but the skies were cloudy and the air cold enough to support snow. Annoyed that the snow did not come sooner to provide a “snow day”, several teachers met in the main hallway faculty lounge to vent their frustrations. Jerry, a science teacher, boldly predicted that the snow would begin falling by 10:30 AM and the forecasted intensity would earn the school an early dismissal. Jim returned to his classroom and kept a watchful eye out his window for the first of the flakes. At exactly 10:30 that morning the flakes started to fly and by 11:00 everything was covered. After lunch was served to the students, the buses were called out and school was dismissed for the day! Jim and company were so impressed with Jerryʼs forecasting abilities that they named him the schoolʼs official Groundhog meteorologist. So, before the opening bell for that Groundhog day, Jim organized a “Groundhog Day Parade” through the hallways of the school, finishing at Jerryʼs classroom door. Jim, dressed in academic robes instead of a tux and sporting a top hat, rapped three times on Jerryʼs door with his yardstick cane. Jerry emerged a bit confused by all the people gathered in front of his room as well as the lights from the school newspaper photographers and morning announcement personnel, who all showed up to “cover” the event. Jerry saw his shadow and scampered back into his classroom. Later that morning, the announcements broadcasted that Jerry, the LCMR Groundhog weatherman, had seen his shadow and 6 more weeks of winter were in the offing.

Once the food arrived, Ed Sherretta and Dave remembered a time during a winter quite like the one we are in when they took a ski trip to an icy, snowless Pocono Mountain. Toward the end of the day, someone convinced Daveʼs wife, Anja, to make a run down the main mountain slope for the first time in her life. However, no one knew what she had made such a decision and began to worry about where she could be. Meanwhile, up at the top of the mountain, Anja was falling quite often and hard, soon realizing that she had made a big mistake tackling the mountain in such horrible conditions. So, she had the ski patrol sled her back down the mountain. When word was forwarded to Dave that the Ski Patrol had just brought Anja down from the mountain and that she was not hurt, Dave thought that he would go and make one more run before going to check in on his wife. When Anja found out about Dave not coming immediately to see her, she was infuriated with him! Paul then interrupted Daveʼs story and reprimanded Dave saying, “So, you just had to get those Jujyfruits first, didnʼt you?”, which became our Seinfeld reference for the morning, alluding to the episode where Elaine stops to buy some Jujyfruits instead of rushing immediately to the hospital after she found out that her boyfriend was rushed to the hospital after a bad accident. Then, with perfect timing, Eddie J tossed a pack of Juicy Fruit gum at Dave!

As everyone was finishing up their delicious breakfast meal, Eddie J asked Dave if the late Gene Sole gave Dave the Marine Corps hat he was sporting at breakfast this morning. Dave responded that Gene did not give him the hat, but he was a motivating factor in Daveʼs seeking out the hat in the first place. Dave then began to tell the story of how one day, years ago, when he, Jim and Gene were coaching soccer together, Dave would always tease Gene about being a Marine. So, one day, Dave was driving a bus and wearing an Army hat which set Gene off and he started in on Dave. So, later that week, Dave went to the Marine recruiter located in the ShopRite Mall on RT. 47 for the sole purpose of walking out of the office with a “Marine” hat. And thatʼs exactly what he did, and he wears the hat to this day with great pride. Everyone wanted to know what the Marine recruiter must have thought about this middle aged man coming in to talk about enlisting. But then again, it was Dave.

Once the dishes were bused and another round of coffee and tea made its way around the table, Dave offered his joke of the day. However, the joke proved to be a bit too off color, so Paul came to the rescue with a golf joke: A foursome of guys was waiting at the menʼs tee while a foursome of ladies was hitting from the womenʼs tee. The ladies were taking their time. When the final lady was ready to hit her ball, she hacked it about ten feet. Then she went over and whiffed it completely. Then she hacked it another ten feet and finally hacked it five more feet. She looked up at the patiently waiting men and said apologetically, “I guess all of those F*@king lessons I took over the winter didnʼt help.” One of the men immediately responded, “Well, there you have it. You should have taken golf lessons instead!”

Just as Paul reached the punch line, the waitress left the bill for Doug, the calculator, to tabulate. This weekʼs per person cost was only $11.00 which included a decent tip for the waitress who was very pleasant and did a great job of keeping up with the groupʼs requests. The food here at the Southville Corner Restaurant was excellent and the portions were quite filling. If Groundhog Day really turned out to be a Nietzchian “eternal reoccurrence of the Same” as depicted in Bill Murrayʼs movie, then ʻBreakfast with Daveʼ couldnʼt really do any better than be stuck in time at a place like The Southville Restaurant.

So, which oneʼs Dave?

OBSERVATIONS FROM MEMORY

Wildwood, NJ: The oldest established, permanent, floating breakfast in South Jersey, otherwise known as ʻBreakfast with Daveʼ, brought its Thursday movable feast and morning soiree to the Key West Cafe at Andrews and Pacific Avenues in Wildwood by the Sea, New Jersey. On this rather windy January morning, Eddie Jurewicz, Doug “D” Letterman, Lynn Massimiano, Dave Smith, Jim Colubiale and Paul Mathis came together to share stuffed French toast with laughter filled stories on the side.

The Key West Cafe menu featured a daily $2.22 special of 2 eggs, 2 pancakes and 2 stripes of bacon when ordered before 9:00 AM. The menu offered not only eggs and very delicious omelets, but on this particular Thursday, the special was stuffed French toast, which half of the group ordered and greatly enjoyed. Paul even had his French toast stuffed with blueberries. The coffee was fresh and flowed freely throughout the breakfast which was a tribute to the attentiveness and friendliness of the owners and staff.

Once everyone had settled into their first cup of coffee or tea and our orders were taken off to the kitchen, Paul talked about what happened the other day at rehearsal for his production of The Pajama Game, which will run at the Paul W. Schmidtchen Auditorium from March 15 through March 18. The cast was rehearsing a scene where one of the characters must “model” pajamas. After the young man burdened with the part stumbled through a few awkward attempts at “modeling” the nightwear, Paul discovered that the young man was a follower of Seinfeld (in syndication, of course, but a fan nonetheless). Once he knew this, Paul directed him to strike all the various posses that George Costanza used in the episode where Kramer runs a photo shoot for George in his apartment. As Jerry is walking to his apartment, he hears Kramer hollering out various directions and incentives to George on how and why to strike a particular pose, like singing out to him, “You are a lov-er b-oy. You are a lov-er b-oy.” Not only did the group have a rather early Seinfeld reference, but Paul is now seriously considering adding a sofa to the set and have the character play the scene like George. Even the high school play will give Seinfeld a nod this spring!

As everyone was enjoying another caffeine refill, Eddie J inquired if anyone watched the NFL playoffs this past weekend to see the Ravensʼ place kicker miss a last second chip shot of a field goal attempt to tie the game against the Patriots, and send the teams into overtime. Eddie could not help but feel bad for the guy, and wondered out loud how could he have missed such a routine kick. Jim pointed out that his miss was a result of not completing his normal warm up routine before the kick. This particular kicker had various warm up routines for each down he would be called upon to attempt a field goal. Off, away from the sideline, he was far from the coaching staff and relied on the scoreboard to let him know what down it was so he could warm up accordingly. However, the score board had the wrong down listed, and the kicker was literally hustled off onto the field–cold. Jim said that he read about this very theory on Yahoo! just about a day ago. Paul even added that while he was watching the game, he wondered why the kicker ran out onto the field to make the attempt as opposed to just lightly jogging to his spot. So, the Patriots won, and we now have “Scoreboard-gate”. Wasnʼt it the Patriots who were accused of stealing plays from the Eagles in Super Bowl XXXIX? Go Giants! (and thatʼs from some devote Eagle fans over here!!!!)

Once the food arrived, the conversation splintered. Paul wanted Eddie to explain why he paned a musician like Paul Schaffer as not worthy of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame while Jim and Lynn were busy talking about their grandmas. Jim told a story about a time long ago and in a galaxy far, far away, when he had first met Debbie. He met his future bride-to-be while working at The Lodge Restaurant in Angle Sea (North Wildwood) during the summer of ʼ76. Back then, Jim lived with his grandmother in an attic apartment in Wildwood Crest over the summer months. Needless to say, Debbie came over quite a bit that summer and Jimʼs grandmother had a chance to get to know her, and vice versa. Then, in August, Hurricane Bob decided to pay the area a visit.

Since Debbie lived at the Mt. Vernon, which was an ancient rooming house in Wildwood, Jim thought she would be safer at his place, so he had her pack her bags and come over. At the height of the storm, where winds were clocked at the Wildwood Crest Police Station at 92 MPH, the northwest facing flat bay window in the living room began to flex. So, Jim began to duct tape the window to keep it from shattering. Meanwhile, his grandmother Pisano was yelling at him in pigeon English, screaming that he was ruining the window! Jim pointed out to her that if he doesnʼt “ruin” the window this way, she will not have a window left any way; this made little difference to grandma. So Jim, Debbie and grandma sat in the candle lit living room watching the bay window breathe in and out. Then, Jimʼs grandmother stands up and announces that she will be going to bed. Before she leaves, she looks right at Debbie and asks her, “Where you sleepʼa?” Jim explained that there is a hurricane outside, and he couldnʼt take Debbie home, so she will have to sleep here with us tonight. To which Jimʼs grandmother responded, “I no likeʼa!”

Those were the days. As the plates were bused and more coffee and tea poured all around, Dave offered the latest Tom Hankʼs Buddy Hackett joke from The David Letterman Show as a bit of dessert. He was extremely proud that he still remembered the joke which went something like this:

A Blind manʼs guide dog weaves its way through a busy intersection nearly killing its master in the process. A passerby who witnessed the crossing runs over to the blind man and asks if he was OK. The blind man, a bit surprised, says, “Why do you ask?” The passerby says that the dog had him weaving in and out of traffic, and a few times he was nearly hit by a car! Hearing this, the blind man thanked the passerby while he reached into his pocket for a doggie treat. The passerby could not refrain himself from reprimanding the blind man saying, “Wait a minute! This dog nearly had you killed and you are planning to reward it?” The blind man says, “No, I just need to know where its head is so I can KICK IT IN THE ASS!” Well done Dave!

When the bill arrived, Doug did his magic and figured that we each owed $13.00 for this weekʼs feast and festivities. ʻBreakfast with Daveʼ had already spent several memorable breakfasts here at the Key West Cafe, including this past St. Pattyʼs Day, and this morning was another wonderful “fast-breaking” experience. Good food and great fun make fine companions at the Key West Cafe.

So, which one’s Dave?

Dave at 60: The Man, the Myth and the Legend!

North Cape May, NJ: On this rather brisk but sunny mid-January morning, ʻBreakfast with Daveʼ convened at the Blue Plate Diner located at the intersection of Townbank and Bayshore Roads in North Cape May. Out in the parking lot, Eddie Jurewicz, Paul Mathis, Dave “Birthday-Boy” Smith and Bill Noe huddled around Jim who was pointing out that this week, the group selected a place where Jimʼs wife was holding a Lower Township Chamber of Commerce meeting/brunch. Since the diner is spacious, the Blue Plate catered such affairs in a back room area, away from the main dinning room but right near the main entrance. So, as the group entered, Debbie, Jimʼs wife, asked how everything was going and Jim responded, “Worlds are Colliding!” which gave the group its first Seinfeld reference of the morning before the collective was even seated!

The hostess guided the group to a familiar table on the other side of the diner where the gang has sat every time they’ve visited the Blue Plate. The Blue Plateʼs menu offered all the breakfast standards from eggs to omelets and pancakes, and then some. In addition, the menu now included daily breakfast specials, like 2 eggs, 2 pancakes and choice of meat for $5.99. The coffee was fresh and flowed freely throughout the meal.

Once everyone had at least one gulp of coffee, Paul pulled out of his pocket an envelop containing some LCMR memorabilia, which Paul referred to as Daveʼs “scent” messages. In this envelop were the original plain 3X5 cards with Daveʼs hand written notes on them, like the one shown here, that Dave left on Paulʼs windshield back in the day as a goof on Paul. After a few days, Paul started to save the notes and begin a hunt for the culprit from within the faculty. However, all this did was create “copycat” bandits, like the Masked Insulter, who started leaving typed messages. Eventually, Paul figured out that Dave was the mystery note writer. Here are 10 of the better “notes” from the collection:

• Well hung college grad, 23, with truck load of raspberry fizzies, seeks discreet, large breasted young woman (25-30) with large swimming pool and liking for the unusual.

• In Japan, the hand is used as a knife. In Tunisia, the spleen is used as a chainsaw.

• Two ham and cheese, hold the Mayo, one pastrami on rye with mustard and three cream sodas.

• In Peru, it is unlawful to wear boxer shorts while eating eggplant.

• Two men from Orange, NJ were apprehended last Thursday for painting mustaches on elderly woman who didnʼt already have one.

• Jake, also known as Little Jake, Lerou had his hat blocked 600 times in one month. No explanation was given.

• Thereʼs no place like home… unless you live in the Villas.

• Beware of Bulgarian shepherds who carry a pigs bladder in their wallets.

• I fink; therefore, I am.

• “Iʼll just do it until I need glasses.”

–Stevie Wonder

After the waitress took our orders off to the kitchen and refilled all the cups with coffee and/or tea, Dave announced that tomorrow (January 20th) will be his sixtieth birthday! As if to prove that he could still remember a joke even at the age of 60, Dave told the latest Tom Hanks Buddy Hackett joke from the most recent David Letterman show:

A man is concerned about his elderly mother living alone and thought that a pet would keep her company. So, he went to a pet store and asked the owner what kind of pet would he suggest for his at-home-alone mom. The owner suggested a bird that can speak 5 different languages. Convinced that this was the best pet for his mom, he bought the bird and had it delivered to his momʼs home. A few days later, when the man called his mom to ask what she thought of the bird, his mother said: “The bird tasted great!” The son cried out incredulously, “ But mom, that bird could speak 5 different languages!!!”

The mother answers, “Well then, youʼd a thought it would have said something…”

Although this was not the joke he had forgotten last week, it still was funny. Once the food arrived, Dave wanted to share a few lifeguard stories with the group. The first story was about a wrestling move that he pulled off on a fellow guard. The move brought Dave “legendary status” on the Cape May Beach Patrol. Since Dave was an ex-high school wrestler and high school wrestling coach, a certain guard would always challenge Dave to a little one-on-one match on the beach before the workday began. This one time, Dave managed to put the guard into an over and under arm lock hold that was nearly impossible to break. When the guard continued to fight, Dave then performed his legendary maneuver. He bent back, forming a table with his chest, and in the process lifted the guard off his feet still squirming to escape. Then, Dave flipped the guard over him and on his back into the sand with Dave now on top for the pin. The embarrassed guard never really challenged Dave again after that, and for that matter neither did anyone else.

As an after-breakfast anecdote, Dave told of his early experiences as a lifeguard and how careful we must be with what we think we know. Dave also provided a good question for the up-and- coming “Breakfast with Dave Trivial Pursuit Game”: “Where did Dave first sit as a Lifeguard?” The correct answer: Sea Isle City! And while working on the beach there, Dave was first subjected to the rookie hazing practice of “Tea-Bagging”, which involved having a guard stand out in the cold waist deep water for hours until his genitalia shrink. (Seinfeld Reference #2: The episode about “Shrinkage”)

The next summer, Dave heard of an opening on the Cape May Beach Patrol and became a Cape May guard. A few years later, the Cape May Beach Patrol began hiring female guards and one summer Dave sat with a very attractive LCMR grad who was a rookie at the time. Trying to be funny, Dave mentioned that he was going to “Tea- Bag” her as part of her rookie hazing. Unfortunately for Dave, on the Cape May Beach patrol, the term “Tea- bagging” meant holding the rookie down on the sand face up with someoneʼs genitals over his face, but the victimʼs mouth covered obviously. So when Dave said this to her, she became visibly upset, but not as embarrassed as Dave felt when he found out about the dual meaning of the term!

As Daveʼs little memory-swim back into his lifeguard past ended, the waitress left the check. Since Doug was not with the group, the duty of calculating the check fell to Paul, Dougʼs second. Paul figured that the individual cost for this weekʼs breakfast and impromptu birthday bash was $13.00. Once again the Blue Plate Diner, with its great food and service, provided a comfortable and homey background for another outstanding and memorable ʻBreakfast with Dave.ʼ

So, which one is Dave?

Dave Can’t Hackett

Ocean City, NJ: The movable breakfast feast and Thursday morning soiree otherwise known as ʻBreakfast with Daveʼ made its first road trip of 2012 and “sauntered” (OK Dave?) up the “Stump” Way to Yianniʼs Cafe at 841 Asbury Avenue in downtown Ocean City. Bert Kern, Dave Smith, Ed Sherretta, Paul Mathis, Jim Colubiale, Eddie Jurewicz, and Doug “D” Letterman gathered for some great food and good fun.

Yianniʼs menu offered all the basic elements for a great breakfast. From eggs to pancakes, Yianniʼs menu covers them all. However, the moist, fluffy omelets, thick as a steak, had to be the best the group has yet to see or taste. For those who like a taste of everything, Yianniʼs Favorite (2 eggs any way, 2 pancakes or french toast, 2 strips of bacon, one sausage, home fries, fruit, toast and jelly) would more than adequately fill the bill. The coffee and tea were bottomless, and once Trish, the waitress, caught on to the conclaveʼs caffeine cravings, a mug went rarely unfilled.

Trish patiently took the groupʼs orders and sent them off to the kitchen as everyone began to savor that first sip of coffee and tea, especially fine after a little morning drive. Bert mentioned that he had discovered how to borrow library books to read on his Kindle. However, when he went to apply for the library card, he was told that he owed $28 for a lost book from over 5 years ago for which he had no recollection. The best Bert could figure is that one of his sons took a book out on his card and then never returned it. For all Bert knows, the book could be under his kidʼs bed. No sooner did Bert say this, but Dave, Jim and Paul repeated, “TROPIC OF CANCER” in unison, which, at 9:35 AM, was the earliest Seinfeld reference of the new year, alluding to the episode where Jerry is hounded by NY Library Cop Mr. Bookman for a twenty-five year old over due fine. This made Bert “Joy Boy II”.

Bert had even more to share about his recent trip to Woodstock to see a Levon Helm “concert in the barn” just recently. Both Jim and Eddie J saw Levon Helm at the Greek in Los Angeles a few summers ago and knew of these concerts. Back then, Eddieʼs son Chris told them that after Levonʼs battle with throat cancer, his daughter arranged for local musicians to come over and play with her father in their barn as part of his therapy. This snowballed into an album or two, Dirt Farmer and Electric Dirt, and the consequent concert tour. Now, once a month Levon Helm gives a performance in his barn, which is set up to hold about 100 to 150 people, guaranteeing a very intimate show. Dave asked Bert if what he had heard about the barn as actually a part of Helmʼs home was true. Bert verified that the bathroom even had toothbrushes and toiletries just like any other home bathroom. Dave then wanted to know if Bert looked inside Levonʼs medicine cabinet, which became the second Seinfeld reference of the morning, alluding to the episode where Jerry looks inside his girlfriendʼs medicine cabinet and finds a cream for fungus. Bert re-interrupted to point out that the concert was awesome.

As Trish delivered the food, Dave wanted to know if anyone saw Tom Hanks tell a Buddy Hackett joke on David Letterman the other night. According to Dave, Tom Hanks can really do a great job of imitating Hackettʼs joke telling abilities. However, Dave was having trouble remembering the joke he told and asked for some help. Paul asked if the joke was about a duck. Dave wasnʼt quite sure so he asked Paul to tell the joke:

A man from the city went hunting out in the country. He shoots this duck which hits the roof of a barn and slides into the yard of a local farmer. The hunter climbs over the fence to retrieve his duck when the farmer confronts him. “What are you doinʼ on my property?”

The hunter answers, “Iʼm retrieving the duck I just shot.” The farmer remains steadfast. The hunter then says, “Listen, cut me a break. Iʼm from the city and Iʼve been hunting now for two days. This was the first duck I had the chance to take in all that time. Canʼt you let me keep it?” The farmer says, “So youʼre from the city? I guess they donʼt know about property and what that means over there. Well, I tell you what. Iʼll give you a chance to have the duck. We will settle this ʻCountry Styleʼ.”

The hunter asks, “What is ʻCounty Styleʼ?” The farmer explains that they each kick the other in the groin until only one of them is still standing.” The Hunter agrees and the farmer decides to go first. The farmer reels off and kicks the hunter square in the groin, leaving the hunter writhing in pain for nearly a half hour. When he finally pulls himself together, he says to the farmer in a quavering voice, “Now, itʼs my turn!” The farmer says, “Thatʼs OK. You can keep the duck!”

After Dave stopped laughing, he was quick to point out that this was not the joke Hanks told the other night. Offering an alternative Hackett joke, Jim asked if Dave could remember whether or not the joke was about a dentist. Unfortunately, Dave couldnʼt remember that either, but he wanted to hear Jimʼs Buddy Hackett joke anyway. Jim prefaced his telling of the joke by explaining he remembered watching Johnny Carson when Hackett was on one night. When the show returned from a commercial, Carson, McMahon, and the entire studio audience were in the middle of a riotous bout of laughter over a joke that Hackett just told during the break. Carson then said that it was a shame that the home audience was denied the chance to hear the joke because the censors would not let Hackett tell it without ʻbleepingʼ him. So, Carson challenged Hackett to tell a joke that would not provoke the censors. This was the joke he told:

A Dentist says to his woman patient, “Looks like youʼre gonna need root canal.”
The woman says, “Oh my God, Iʼd rather have a baby!”
The Dentist answers, “Well, in that case, make up your mind. Iʼve got to adjust the chair.”

Dave thought that this too was a decent joke, but it was not the one he heard the other night on Letterman. But Dave did admit that he now has two more good jokes to forget. So, as the dishes were cleared and Trisha poured yet another round of coffee and tea, Bert changed the subject to an incident of his college-days, which he still remembers all too vividly, when he was arrested for “crapulous and disruptive” behavior in a small Kentucky town. In laymanʼs terms, he was quite drunk. Bert said when the judge was introduced as “Squire Toby Jack Justice”, he knew that he was not in New Jersey any more. After several failed attempts to contact his parents in The Garden State, he was forced to spend two nights in a holding cell in the town Police Station until his mom could come down from New Jersey to bail him out. At the hearing, as if to impress Bertʼs mom, the judge commented that keeping young people off the local streets and away from alcohol in this town is his duty. As they left the court room, while Bert fought to restrain his mother from attacking the Venerable Squire Toby Jack Justice, Bert could only think that the judgeʼs REAL purpose was to ensure that no outsider consumed any alcohol meant for him and his good ole Kentucky boy buddies.

As Trish cleared the table and left the check, Ed Sherretta mentioned that he watched Woodstock the other day on the TV. As the group began to offer up favorite moments from the film, Doug lifted his head from figuring the bill to calmly point out that he was there! Yes, the groupʼs own Doug “D” Letterman experienced perhaps the most defining moment of our generation. Doug pointed out that he was at the lake where they filmed all the nude bathing for the film but not on the day of the filming. He also told of how he led another concert goer to a secret parking area on the backside of the stage. Coming up over the ridge and seeing the stage towers and the half million people out in front of it must have been awe inspiring to say the least. And so the groupʼs conversation had gone full circle. By the time Doug had figured out the individual total, Trish had brought the owner out to the table to meet the group. Everyone told him how great the food was, especially the omelets, and how at home the group felt in his colorful and comfortable cafe. The bill for this weekʼs feast was $13.00, but the memories and good times remained priceless.

So, which oneʼs Dave?